December 14, 2007

The Inaugural Can't-Miss Christmas Gifts For Children (Infant Edition) …

Christmas is most kids' favorite holiday of the year. There's definitely some stiff competition—Halloween, Easter, Flag Day—but Christmas generally beats out the rest for one very important bow-covered reason: presents. Sure, kids love caroling and sitting on Santa's lap and watching Ralphie shoot his eye out over and over again on TBS. But when they go to bed on Christmas Eve, all they can dream about are Transformers, My Little Ponies and other goodies that will await them under the tree come Christmas morn.

When kids are so young, it's often hard for Santa (and friends and family and that mailman who looks suspiciously similar to your child) to know what to get them for the holiday. That's why I've come up with a list of Can't-Miss Christmas Gifts For Children Under the Age of One. (Well that's a coincidence—Ella is under one!)

So, without further ado, here are 8 gifts that'll win over your Under One Year Old, or UOYO (pronounced "you-O-yo") this holiday season:

1. Clothes. This is the only year you can get away with buying the baby clothes before she starts referring to you as "The Annoying Relative Who Keeps Buying me Clothes When What I Want is An iPod." On the bright spot, Mom and Dad will be thrilled—it's one less item they have to buy. On the not-so-bright spot, Mom and Dad will have to practice their "Oh- My- God- This- Is- Ugly- But- I'll- Have- To- Suck- It- Up- And- Pretend- I- Like- It" Smile.

2. Anything with "Baby's First Christmas" on it. See an ornament with "Baby's First Christmas" on it? Buy it! Find a bib with "Baby's First Christmas" on it? Buy it! Stumble upon a flamethrower with "Baby's First Christmas" on it? Buy it! You can never have too much to remind your child of the one and only Christmas she will have absolutely no recollection of.

3. Toby the Totbot. This gift has everything a tiny tot (and parent) looks for in a toy: It teaches letters, numbers and shapes; dances and sings at a reasonable volume; big enough so that your little angel won't choke when she chews on it (and she will); has a sweet name and will fit in with the rest of your living room family, like Steven the TV, Glenn the Remote and Rosco the Christmas Snowman.

4. Wrapping Paper and Empty Boxes. Let's be honest here, your UOYO can't tell the difference between a Louis Vuitton purse and a dog terd, so why dish out the big bucks? Boxes and wrapping paper are not only cost effective, but also can be found in your average basement.

5. Holiday Socks. It's not an official holiday unless you have special, colorful socks to celebrate it. Just ask my wife.

6. Themed Gifts. The best way to stick it to any parent is buy gifts based on a particular theme—Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, Bob the Builder, Playboy Bunnies, etc. It's not that any of these themes are bad—on the contrary, most are really fun—it's just that by giving UOYOs non-parent-approved themed gifts, you pigeonhole the parents into a lifetime of Pepe LePew t-shirts, blankets, bedding, bathrobes, drapes, underwear, birthday cakes, hats, car seat covers ... well, you get the idea. And that'll teach them for not naming their firstborn after you.Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

7. Cash Money. No matter how old the kid is, you can never go wrong with cash. This will allow the parents to start a college fund for that child—and by "college fund" I mean "fix what's broken in the house" fund.

8. Nintendo Wii. Trust me, Dad she wants it. Bad.

The Life of Dad is updated most Fridays (barring the call of family duties). Thanks for stopping by and following my attempts to be a good dad, husband and co-ed softball player. I hope you visit again. -- Brian