February 16, 2016

A Letter to Every Frustrated Parent (From the Future)



Dear Past Brian,

Hey handsome! It’s me -- well, I mean it’s you, but from 25 years in the future. That’s right. I’m sitting here on my hoverchair, typing this letter on my iPad 13 (though it looks like a piece of paper and you can fold it up and carry it in your pocket). I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and wanted to tell you something important. But before I do, let me answer a few of the questions up front that I’m sure you’re dying to know:
1. Yes, the Reds have won 3 World Series titles -- and a Super Bowl! I know, right? I won’t tell you how; I don’t want to spoil it. 
2. Your favorite show in the future is Saved by the Bell: The Retirement Years. Zach and Kelly are grandparents who help out at a school where all 18 of their grandchildren attend. Mischief ensues. It’s hilarious.  
3. Anna got a perfect score on her 1st Grade Penguin project. Plus, that Fun Fact she taught you about penguins holding their breath for 20 minutes saves your life. I can't tell you how, but it does. (And yes, Mia still loves photo-bombing.)
4. You finally bite the bullet and start shaving your head with a razor, many, many years after you should have.Those awesome sideburns were hard to part with, but it had to be done. 
5. Grunge is back in style. Unfortunately, you are now too buff and muscular to fit into any of your old clothes. Maddening, I know.  
6. After all that stressing of "when will I find the time," you finally paint the dining room between soccer and volleyball season. It looks nice -- though the blue stain on the carpet does not. 
7. Justin Timberlake is President of the United States. Fallon is VP. Taxes are low, global warming is solved and dance lessons are free for all Americans. Plus, State of the Unions have never been more entertaining.

But what I’m really writing to tell you is this: I know you’re frustrated. I know the kids aren’t listening and are driving you crazy these days. I know you’re exhausted and you feel like you’ve lost all control. But what you don’t know is this: Eventually, in the future, you miss it. 

A lot. 

You know how you yell every morning before school because your daughters spend 45 minutes doing anything other than get ready -- this includes, but is not limited to: staring off into space, lying on the ground for no reason, making rainbow bracelets, checking the weather on your phone in case it changed from five minutes ago when they checked it on your phone, spilling things (MY GOD, SPILLING THINGS) and more? Well, that doesn’t happen any more because the girls are grown and have moved out. They spill things at their own places now. And guess what? You miss it. 

You know how every doorknob in the house has empty hangers on it, obstructing its ability to close -- and how that drives you insane? Well, now all the doors close with ease. And you hate it. 

You know how all three kids sing Wrecking Ball at the top of their lungs over and over and over again, off-key and, if you are really lucky, not in unison, to make a sound that could only be described as noise vomit? Now you’re the only one singing and, trust me, it sounds worse. 

Remember that basement that overflowed with toys? Princess dresses draped over your desk? Legos laying everywhere causing you severe Lego Limp? Barbies who sneaked out of the basement and, magically, ended up in every other room in the house, including the bathroom? 

Miss it, miss it, miss it. 

Now, those princess dresses are tucked away in a tub somewhere collecting dust. Your feet haven’t stepped on anything other than soft carpet. The Barbies are now contained in storage, probably talking about the “good old days” when they ventured upstairs and caught you doing something you shouldn’t like picking your nose or, worse, dancing. And the basement has transformed from a toy room into a man cave with sports memorabilia, a big TV, Lazyboys and a bar. (OK, so that one isn’t so bad. But the rest? The rest is terrible.)

I know you’re tired of having to yell like a madman who is trying to convince a post-Apocalyptic swarm of Zombies to eat over their plates instead of dropping crumbs that, somehow, end up in your underwear drawer. I know you’ve exhausted the phrases “Your coat doesn’t belong there!” and “Stop fighting me and just go to the bathroom!” and “Oh my god, you loved tacos last week when we had them, why in the world are you screaming in tears saying how much you hate them now?” But those phrases have been retired for years and have been replaced by a depressing silence that you try to fill with reading, video games and annoying your wife, who simply doesn’t appreciate it as much as she should. 

While this all sucks, it’s important to know that things aren’t completely terrible. While you stressed about it every second of every day, you’ll be happy to know your kids grow up to be amazing people. (Sorry, I can’t give away the details. Watching it all unfold is part of the fun and I don’t want to take that away from us.) But it’s important that I tell you this because I want you to relax a little bit and soak it all up. Take it in. Know that these times will go by too fast. Know that your hoarse voice and sore feet will heal and that you’ll have plenty of time to paint the dining room after the kids leave. Know that you’ll be sitting here on your hoverchair, wishing that for just a few minutes you could go back in time and get one more off-key, out-of-sync rendition of Wrecking Ball again. 

Know that and relax. Your time of not yelling will come soon enough. 

Don't rush to get there.

Take care,
Future Brian
PS-Take that laundry basket sitting in the living room upstairs. If my memory serves me correctly, it’ll save you both an ankle sprain and a lecture from your wife. You're welcome.

GREAT GIFT FOR PARENTS:
Oh Boy, You're Having a Girl
(A Dad's Survival Guide to Raising Daughters)


****** 
* Subscribe to The Life of Dad via email or RSS feed!  
* Also, follow me on Twitter @BrianKlems. I promise to occasionally say funny things. 


71 comments:

Jim Weller said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian K said...

Thanks Jim! Hope you're able to get some sleep.

Livvyrose8 said...

My daughter is 25 and on her own... I miss all those things.. Don't blink, right???
Brian Klems international man of mystery lol... I have missed your blog posts

Frank D'Voz said...

I needed those laughs, and those reminders. Thank you ol' friend!

Brian K said...

Thanks AL and Frank. I'm doing my best not to blink. Right now I can't because I was up all night with a sick kiddo. If I blink, I won't open them back up!

case study essay writing service said...

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.” – Jim Valvano

Sandra said...

Great blog, truly enjoyed reading it.I, too, really needed a few laughs right now. Thanks for writing and sharing your memories.

Joe P. said...

Great post Brian! I wish my future self had sent me a letter while my kids were still young.

Unknown said...

Great post, as a relatively new dad to a 1 year old girl, I don't feel so bad about the things that sometimes frustrate me. It's amazing looking back at the last year how much I miss already, but also nice to appreciate how much I have to look forward to. Thanks Brian.

Regards

John

Unknown said...

Cried...we have 4 girls. My oldest is moving out next month to go to college. Part of me is ready. The other part wants to rip time in shreds and pull her back out when she was about 7.

Unknown said...

I visit you blog first time and want to red your more blogs.please share and keep writing.
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام
شركة كشف تسربات بالدمام
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالخبر
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالجبيل
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالاحساء
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالقطيف
شركة كشف تسربات بالرياض
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
كشف تسربات المياه

Unknown said...

Thanks for the information and links you shared this is so should be a useful and quite informative!
unstructured hat

Sophie van der Linden said...

Yesterday my daughter make me mad! She was so naughty! There was no way to calm down. Now i see that i am not a bad a parent, that's all about our children. I'm not alone, all parents have such problems.

Unknown said...

I know the kids aren’t listening and are driving their parents crazy these. days. Don't take it too seriously, face it strongly.
October Calendar Printable

Adreana Joseph said...

I love your blog and find a lot of your post’s to be exactly I’m looking for.
download and your facebook video free without any software
fb downloder videos

Leonardi linken said...

I found your post interesting to read and i want to say that this is a best post i have ever seen until now. Take a look at Alice Jenifer

peter thakur said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate your efforts and I will be waiting for your further post thank you once again. Nice article and pleasant arguments commented here, I am genuinely enjoying by these. And don't forgrt to give your valuable review on my work

salma said...

شركة كشف تسربات المياه المعتمدة لدى الشركة الوطنية شركة كشف تسربات المياه المعتمدة لدى الشركة الوطنية
اسرع شركة شحن من الرياض الى مصر اسرع شركة شحن من الرياض الى مصر
شركة عزل خزانات بالرياض شركة عزل خزانات بالرياض

عزل فوم بالرياض عزل فوم بالرياض

اسعار كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض اسعار كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض

شركة كشف تسربات المياه المعتمدة لدى الشركة الوطنية الشركات المعتمدة لدى شركة المياه الوطنية بجدة

Bokep69 said...

Togel Online

Bandar Togel Terpercaya

Judi Togel

Agen Togel

shaban osama said...

شركة نقل عفش ببريدة

ikate jone said...

Our company provides an economical solution for those who are looking for Air duct Cleaning Service Our Company Provide Dirty air ducts cleaning This Service With Quality of Work

unknown said...

We provide a friendly outdoor atmosphere to accommodate consumers and workers alike. We are licensed and trained; we use sustainable techniques, To Control Pest. Visit : pest control service in austin tx

john said...

Max Serv Corp has been delivering its services for several years now. we have been provide gutter cleaning services

Anonymous said...

Nepali Housemaid jobs: When you are on holiday, Nepali House Maid in Kuwait and other gulf countries do important tasks such as removing our trash cans at night, as well as cleaning floors, making beds, and cleaning furniture in our rooms. If you get a Nepali maid job in Kuwait and other gulf countries, you have to keep their lives placidly by dusting, soaping, cleaning, and mopping away the mess.

Anonymous said...

Nepali Housemaid jobs: When you are on holiday, Nepali House Maid in Kuwait and other gulf countries do important tasks such as removing our trash cans at night, as well as cleaning floors, making beds, and cleaning furniture in our rooms. If you get a Nepali maid job in Kuwait and other gulf countries, you have to keep their lives placidly by dusting, soaping, cleaning, and mopping away the mess.

Anonymous said...

In a world that is consumed by viruses and diseases, the position of Cambodian professional nurse jobs in Kuwait is at the top of prime value. They help manage patient well-being and are usually the first communicator to patients. However, a career as a nurse can be very challenging, especially if you plan to work in gulf countries. You require proper training before applying for any medicines or applying for a Cambodian best nurse in Kuwait or the Middle East.

Anonymous said...

In an atmosphere filled with gaps and workforce deficits, Sri Lankan nurse jobs in Kuwait and other gulf countries of all sizes occasionally require help with short-term or long-term Sri Lankan best nurse in Kuwait and other gulf countries. A nursing job in UAE is an outstanding possibility for nurses looking to facilitate their professions in a unique and interesting way. There is a huge need for trained, qualified nurses in the UAE for Sri Lankan home nurse jobs in Kuwait and all across the country.

Anonymous said...

Nepali nurse jobs in Kuwait and other gulf countries are among the top 10 jobs with the highest job growth. That means organizations and companies are looking for the registered Nepali best nurse in Kuwait. It’s one of the most searched jobs and there are several institutions helping budding nurses get Nepali professional nurse jobs in Kuwait. There is a high need for nurses and UAE always runs short of registered nurses, that’s why getting Nepali full-time nurse jobs in Kuwait and UAE is easier than in any other place.

Anonymous said...

Filipino Experienced Driver Jobs: Do you have a lot of work experience and are a Filipino experienced Driver in Kuwait and other gulf countries? However, you are likely to be unhappy with your low Filipino Driver salary in Kuwait and other gulf countries, which could fall short of meeting your essential necessities

Anonymous said...

To work as a Cambodian experienced Driver in Kuwait and other gulf countries is a very endeavored job among people. Making decent pay to send back home with the job of Cambodian full-time driver in Kuwait and other gulf countries is the intention of many who are eligible for it. Cambodian car drivers in Kuwait and other gulf countries with proper skill sets can earn better Cambodian Driver salaries in Kuwait and UAE.

Anonymous said...

Sri Lankan Experienced Driver Jobs: Sri Lankan experienced Driver in Kuwait and other gulf countries have a lot of experience. Since the online cab booking market has picked up the pace, Sri Lankan full-time driver in Kuwait and other Gulf countries have been in constant demand.

Anonymous said...

Nepali experienced drivers in Kuwait and other gulf countries are in continuous need ever since the online cab booking market has pulled up the speed. Several online cabs booking and tourism companies are looking for a Nepali full-time driver in Kuwait and other gulf countries. Searching for Nepali Best drivers in Kuwait and other gulf countries.

ARUN KUMAR said...

360degreejobs.com is a Leading Online Job and Recruitment Portal which provides ac technician, air conditioner repairman, home cleaning professionals, house cleaning, housemaid services, maintenance services, plumbing services, security guard services.

Call Us :- +91-9654271931

ARUN KUMAR said...

Learn Sanskrit Online with Ziyyara's One-on-One learn sanskrit online Platform. Ziyyara makes Sanskrit learning easy with simple steps from experienced online tutors.

ARUN KUMAR said...

In the era of 21st century Online Tuition is becoming a very common word, every second person knows what online tuition is. If you are not aware of the difference between online tuition and old-way tuition or just tuition.

ARUN KUMAR said...

Best Online Tuition website, Online coaching classes for 1st to 12th grade CBSE IGCSE ICSE, Ziyyara is an online tuition website teaching students online.

BirchYarn said...

Buy Cream Vintage Wooden Nandi Showpiece by Birch&Yarn. Shop for more Showpieces, Home Decor, and Homeware online in UK at a very reasonable price.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the information and links you shared this is so should be useful and quite informative!!
assignment writing services

Residential A said...

Helpful post. Now, discover the best Foreclosures in Alabama deals online in Alabama at Residential Alabama.

Amogue said...

Mens Boxers western wear and have a group of very much experienced individuals attempting to give a tasteful edge to the items they have faith in giving the right answer for the present style needs and they comprehend the necessities they host fancy dresses ideal for the gathering, easygoing trip or a normal office day.

Lily Hannah said...

While he only got close (but didn't manage) the grade I expected from him, this Statistics Assignment Help provider satisfied me with his attention to my instructions and speed. He did his best to deliver the order in time without any mistakes. The guru is also a top-rated Statistics Homework Help expert that I've worked within the past, and I love his skills in that area, too. I recommend him to other students. Thanks for the assistance at a low price.

Anonymous said...

We are here to provide you help with SPSS help online from the most trusted and reliable SPSS tutors. Here is the one-stop solution to your problem.
We are offering the best and high-quality SPSS assignment help to the students at nominal charges.
You will get 24*7 online support; it means you can get in touch with us around the clock.

zoeyriley890 said...

I always show them my good side and I'm extremely grateful for that. There's no single time that I've ever run into an issue, neither have I failed before with their expertEconomics Assignment Help. I'm not sure if everyone else always gets the same treatment as mine, but I want to believe that the service is what makes them loyal customers. Otherwise, your Economics Homework Help is worth the investment. I'll keep you posted in case of more

james said...

The best way to get the assignment done is to seek the help of professional Java Assignment Help experts. We have emerged as the student friendly assignment experts , we have 24/7 Online assignment support at Get Assignment Help Online . So do not hesitate to ask anything.

Walletiya said...

We at Free Mortgage Calculator are concocting every one for the suggestion and solutions of the transactions. We as a whole realize that many people experience serious issues at whatever point they are intiating a transactions and they to know next to nothing whether or not the specific outlet accept the payment method or not.

Majortotosite Pro said...

I gotta favorite this site it seems extremely helpful very helpful 토토

Anonymous said...

Very good, thanks for sharing such information with us

best solutions help said...

If you need economics assignment help, there's no need to feel embarrassed. In fact, many people who need assistance with their assignments find economic assignment help to be a valuable resource.

Anonymous said...

يمكنك استخدام شفرات جاتا 7 لكي تقوم بي تنفيذ كل المهمات في اللعبة  بكل سهولة يمكنك أيضا تحميل اللعبة من خلال موقعنا تحميل العاب الكمبيوتر  و تحميل لعبة جاتا للكمبيوتر جميع الإصدارات .

accounting student help said...

If you're looking for a homework tutor in the accounting field, you might want to look at our virtual accounting tutors. Our virtual accounting tutors can help with accounting homework in the accounting field.

JPNWEBSITE said...

vizitoni faqen e internetit : Resep
vizitoni faqen e internetit : One Piece
vizitoni faqen e internetit : One Piece
vizitoni faqen e internetit : TOP 7
vizitoni faqen e internetit : One Piece
vizitoni faqen e internetit : Lambang
vizitoni faqen e internetit : One Piece
vizitoni faqen e internetit : One Piece

Armorservices said...

Awesome Blog.Thanks a lot Generator Maintenance in Kuwait

superslot เล่น ผ่าน เว็บ said...

superslot เล่น ผ่าน เว็บ เว็บไซต์สล็อตออนไลน์ รูปแบบใหม่ ซุปเปอร์สล็อตเอ็กซ์ดี มาแรง กับ pg-slot.game ที่มาแรงที่สุดในขณะนี้ ทางพวกเราเป็นคนที่ให้บริการเกม พีจีสล็อต ที่สนุกที่สุด

Essien said...

Nice One! That is really fascinating; you’re an overly professional blogger. I have joined your feed and look ahead to the hunt for extra of your great post. Thanks so much for sharing. unizik cut off mark for bio-technology

California Air Conditioning Systems said...

Portable AC Rentals Los Angeles Service - California Air Conditioning Systems is a well known agency for AC reapairing, Heater repairing and Ventilation services in the USA. If you are the one who are searching for AC & Heater repairing then hire us.

Contact Us

California Air Conditioning Systems, Inc.

Address: 25217 Narbonne Ave. Lomita, CA 90717, USA

Phone: (310) 530-0504 (phone lines are 24 hours)

Fax: (310) 530-4004

Email: General Inquiry: caaircondi@aol.com (CC: info@californiaac.com)

Abigale Huels said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Abigale Huels said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alghubaiba said...

At Top Flight Appliance Repair, we understand the frustration that comes with a malfunctioning ice maker. That's why we offer fast and reliable ice maker repair services to get your appliance up and running again in no time. Trust us to provide expert solutions for all your appliance repair needs.

Alex David said...

Eagle Eye Appliance Repair offers reliable and efficient washing machine repair houston. Our team of expert technicians are equipped to diagnose and fix any issue with your washer quickly and effectively.

Maria Adam said...

As a special thank you to our loyal customers, we're offering an exclusive amazon 10% off entire order coupon code! Whether you're looking to update your wardrobe, upgrade your home, or try out the latest tech gadgets, this coupon code is the perfect way to save money while still getting everything you need. Simply enter code at checkout and watch the savings add up. But don't wait - this offer won't be around forever!

Malta Assignment Help said...

Struggling with your assignments? Don't worry - our assignment helpers in Malta are here to help! At MaltaAssignmentHelp.com, we have a team of experienced helpers who can assist you with any assignment, no matter how difficult. With our help, you can get the grades you deserve and succeed in your academic pursuits.

Maria Adam said...

Are you in need of car parts or accessories? Look no further than Autozone! With their autozone coupon code 40%, you can save big on your next purchase. From oil filters to brake pads, Autozone has everything you need to keep your car running smoothly. Don't wait - head over to the website now and start shopping!

Pagoda Tent Manufacturer said...

Hello, Thanks for this great information!
i hope you will bring more such informative blogs. If here are any person looking for buy Pagoda tent at best price in India. Get from GSO biggest manufacturer in india.
Call us: +91 70111 61822

Anonymous said...

Why purchase educational materials at full price? The finest prices on books and classroom equipment may be found at barnes and noble educator discount. Visit us right away to start saving on all of your classroom supplies.

Assignment Helper Malaysia said...

What a great article. It's such a excellent post.
f you're worried about your MBA assignments, don't hesitate to seek help from assignmenthelper.my . They offer great help with MBA assignments that can help you stay on top of your coursework. Their experienced writers can provide customized solutions that cater to your specific needs, whether you need help with research, writing, or formatting.

olsen lisa said...

Thank you for sharing this thought-provoking article on signature analysis. It has opened up a whole new world of understanding human behaviour through something as simple as a signature. I'm excited to delve deeper into this subject and explore its potential implications.
Writing a dissertation is an arduous task for students, as it requires a lot of time, dedication and hard work. A dissertation is the most important project a student undertakes during their academic career, and therefore it is important to get it right. Dissertation Help can be a great asset for students who are struggling with their dissertation, as it can provide valuable advice and guidance in order to make the process of writing a dissertation easier and more efficient. This article will provide an overview of the various sources of dissertation help.

Corporate Gifting Companies said...

Thank the Author for this, I have carefully read this article!
Are you looking Diwali gifting for employees we are run Corporate gifting company gurgaon Get Best offer now.

Corporate Gifting Companies said...

Thank you Writer for this informative Article!
Promotional gifts Offer a Best Corporate gifting in gurgaon we are working 10+ year in this field. We are biggest corporate gift supplier in India.

Navratan Gemstone said...

The Buy Chuni Stone Original have been treasured throughout history for their beauty and rarity. They are often associated with passion, love, and energy due to their intense red hue. In various cultures, rubies have held different meanings and were believed to have protective qualities. For example, ancient Burmese warriors believed that wearing rubies made them invincible in battle.

Unknown said...

Your blog satisfies our hunger for information and is akin to an intellectual sanctuary. We appreciate all that you do to help us develop.honeypot furniture discount code

pg slot said...

pg slot เว็บตรงอันดับ 1 เมื่อพูดถึงความบันเทิงออนไลน์ ไม่สามารถที่จะไม่พูดถึงสล็อตออนไลน์ได้ PG SLOT เกมสล็อตได้กลายเป็นหนึ่งในเกมคาสิโนที่นิยมและเป็นที่นิยมมากที่สุดในยุคปัจจุบันนี้