October 13, 2011

Dads vs. Toys: Which Do Kids Prefer?

My house is overflowing with Toys. Dolls, blocks, doctor kits, Tinkerbell phones, Mr. Potato Heads, magnetic letters for the fridge—you name it, I've stepped on it. Our house holds so many Toys that we are considering buying a second house just so we have somewhere to live.

But Toys and Dads aren't really that different, when you think about it. We share a lot of the same traits and characteristics. We spend countless hours showering kids with our love and affection only to be stepped on, tossed around, bitten and ignored the minute Yo Gabba Gabba comes on the tube. In fact, the more I started to analyze it, the more I realized that Dads and Toys are cut from the same mold. Here's proof:

Toys are awesome.
Dads are awesome.

Toys are loud.
Dads are loud.

Toys let kids drool on them.
Dads let kids drool on them.

Toys protect kids from the bogeyman.
Dads protect kids from the bogeyman.

Toys are often left on the couch.
Dads are often found on the couch.

Toys have a holiday (Christmas).
Dads have a holiday (Father's Day).

Toys have a movie (Toy Story).
Dads have a movie (Field of Dreams).1

Toys cause Mom to yell "I told you to clean your mess up!"
Dads cause Mom to yell "Seriously Brian, you are the grown up here."

Toys are expensive.
Dads are … well, this is a bad example because Dads are cheap. In fact, Dads are the cheapest things on the planet. (Just ask my wife.)

Toys are generally found around the house naked.
Dads are generally found around the house naked.

Toys are left behind when kids go to college.
Dads are left behind when kids go to college.

Toys create fond memories and stories that kids will always cherish.
Dads create fond memories and stories that kids will not only cherish, but also pass on to their kids through their words, actions and love.

I'm sure there are plenty more similarities between Dads and Toys and it probably doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize they both have value in kids' lives (unless you are trying to create a specific formula that proves it, in which case, it probably would take a rocket scientist.), but there is one key difference:

Dads cure boo-boos. Toys do not.

And that's why Dads are better.2

1 "Is this Heaven?" "It's Iowa." "I could have sworn it was Heaven." "Is there a Heaven?" "Oh yes, it's where dreams come true." "Then maybe this is Heaven." (Don't be ashamed of your Dad Tears, fellas.)
2 Suck on that, Toys. 

Oh Boy, You're Having a Girl
(A Dad's Survival Guide to Raising Daughters)

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Jen Smith said...

Hi there, first time caller, long time listener...

Always love your posts, thanks for the laughs!


(... and toys just can't hold a candle to a dad's masterful game of hide 'n' seek! The excitement! The suspense! The... Hey, wait a minute, haven't we been hiding for a really long time?)

Linda B said...

..."Dads are generally found around the house naked."

LOLOLOL! Goodness, I hope everyone remembers to call before coming over then. :)

Another actual-laugh-out-loud column.

:Donna said...

Great stuff, as always, Brain...I meant Brian lol (though I'm sure you like being called "Brain" too!) And Piglet on his head is priceless! :D