But Toys and Dads aren't really that different, when you think about it. We share a lot of the same traits and characteristics. We spend countless hours showering kids with our love and affection only to be stepped on, tossed around, bitten and ignored the minute Yo Gabba Gabba comes on the tube. In fact, the more I started to analyze it, the more I realized that Dads and Toys are cut from the same mold. Here's proof:
Toys are awesome.
Dads are awesome.
Toys are loud.
Dads are loud.
Toys let kids drool on them.
Dads let kids drool on them.
Toys protect kids from the bogeyman.
Dads protect kids from the bogeyman.
Toys are often left on the couch.
Dads are often found on the couch.
Toys have a holiday (Christmas).
Dads have a holiday (Father's Day).
Toys have a movie (Toy Story).
Dads have a movie (Field of Dreams).1
Toys cause Mom to yell "I told you to clean your mess up!"
Dads cause Mom to yell "Seriously Brian, you are the grown up here."
Toys are expensive.
Dads are … well, this is a bad example because Dads are cheap. In fact, Dads are the cheapest things on the planet. (Just ask my wife.)
Toys are generally found around the house naked.
Dads are generally found around the house naked.
Toys are left behind when kids go to college.
Dads are left behind when kids go to college.
Toys create fond memories and stories that kids will always cherish.
Dads create fond memories and stories that kids will not only cherish, but also pass on to their kids through their words, actions and love.
Dads cure boo-boos. Toys do not.
And that's why Dads are better.2
1 "Is this Heaven?" "It's Iowa." "I could have sworn it was Heaven." "Is there a Heaven?" "Oh yes, it's where dreams come true." "Then maybe this is Heaven." (Don't be ashamed of your Dad Tears, fellas.)
2 Suck on that, Toys.
ORDER NOW (GREAT GIFT FOR FATHER'S DAY):
Oh Boy, You're Having a Girl
(A Dad's Survival Guide to Raising Daughters)
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