November 12, 2010

How to Tell Your Boss You're Growing a Mustache

It can be a difficult task telling your boss and coworkers that you are growing a mustache. When you do share the news, most of them will be happy for you, saying things like "Congratulations!" and "Your wife must be so excited!" and "Was this planned?" But they will undoubtedly start to consider how this may affect them, so you will need to take several things into consideration before letting everyone in the office know that, by the end of the month, you'll be the proud father of a glorious mustache.

To help with this, I've developed list of the three most Frequently Asked Questions, along with answers, on how to tell your boss and coworkers that you're growing a mustache.

FAQ#1: When is the right time to tell?
It's a general rule-of-thumb for men to wait until after the first trimester to share the news, when the risk of Turns-Out-I-Can't-Really-Grow-A-Mustache-Even-Though-I-Thought-I-Could- Syndrome (also known as "CantGrowNoMo") passes. If you are dealing with a bad case of CantGrowNoMo, you'll likely be very emotional. It may be in your best interest to take a day or two off work and come to terms with the fact that you may never be able to grow a mustache. And, if need be, search the phonebook for local CantGrowNoMo support groups.

When the first trimester ends and you've established some healthy mustache growth (and are confident a full mustache is imminent), it may be time to spread the news.

FAQ#2: What if the boss asks before I'm ready to tell?
Most members of management are taught not to ask questions like this and to be sensitive to their employees' personal lives. Occasionally, though, a boss may slip—I mean, hey, bosses aren't perfect (Except for mine. She's perfect. She's totally perfect. She couldn't be more perfect if she tried. Have I told you how perfect you look today, boss?). In the event your boss mistakenly says something, it's important to be prepared.

If your boss confronts you and asks you point blank, "Are you growing a mustache?" keep in mind you do not have to let him or her know if you aren't ready. Simply turn to your boss and say, "I have no news to share at this time." This is a flexible response that is not a lie (lying to your boss is very bad) and also allows you to deliver the news on your terms (via Twitter).

FAQ#3: I'm afraid of what my boss will say. What should I do?
Unfortunately, some employers are less than enlightened about mustachioed employees. If you're concerned about your employer's reaction, proceed cautiously.

Remember, it's acceptable to wait to tell your boss until your mustache has secured 14-20 days of growth. This allows you to point out that you've already demonstrated that you can successfully do your job while having a mustache.

Also, consider timing your announcement to coincide with the completion of a major project. By doing so, you'll send a strong message: I'm almost halfway through growing a mustache and my productivity hasn't been affected. Finally, you may want to wait to tell your boss about your mustache until after a salary or performance review to make sure the news doesn't influence how you're treated. Of course, if your boss is a handsome, mustachioed man or a woman who thinks mustaches are super sexy, then it may be advantageous to divulge the news during the review. It may also be advantageous to take off your shirt.

Take into account this advice before making your announcement. Who knows—your boss and coworkers may be thrilled with the news and may even offer to take you out to lunch or throw you a surprise Mustache Shower, where they "shower" you with gifts off you Mustache Registry (I'll cover this next week). And if you're still worried, then just quit. There's always a job for you in the adult entertainment industry.

Also, don't forget to check out my daily progress and diary by visiting
the About Movember tab at the top or by clicking here.

Reasons Not to Grow a Mustache:  
Your boss' husband recently had an affair with a mustachioed man.

Reasons to Grow a Mustache: 

The Life of Dad is updated every week. Thanks for stopping by and following my attempts to be a good dad, husband and co-ed softball player. I hope you visit again. -- Brian

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Loved those pictures - wish my boss was that cute!

Amanda Hoving said...

Can't wait to hear about the registry gifts. I hope "assorted oils" is on the list, because an oily mustache...well, I'm getting the chills just thinking about it.

(Hilarious, BTW, and love the pictorial)

Blaine said...

In my opinion, a man who has a mustache is very handsome. Well, everyone has different reasons for responding to a man who has a mustache. Men who have a mustache or not, it's not a problem that is exaggerated because everyone has their own personal.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Great post, very entertaining. As I'm my own boss I
Do hope growing a moustache won't make much difference
To my employees. It might make them stare, though!

CJ xx